


Sacrifice and Change

by Dreaming_in_Circles



Category: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)
Genre: Angst, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreaming_in_Circles/pseuds/Dreaming_in_Circles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sacrifices are concerned with the feelings of devotion and longing - Xun Zi<br/>Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes - Libba Bray</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice and Change

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd nor brit-picked, so if you see any, my usual request applies. Thank you and enjoy.

Nothing changed after they caught the mole. Well, everything really changed, and yet nothing. At the Circus, everything did change. Connie called it the resurrection. Peter didn't quite understand what she meant but George seemed to understand. Maybe Peter would ask someday.  
  
Peter hadn't known Control very well or very long, it was a bit before his time. But what he'd seen at the flat, what he'd learned searching for the mole, had convinced him Control had been smarter than them all. Not perfect, but then who was? Not Peter, much as he tried. Not even George, though he was close.  
  
In any case, Connie kept comparing George to Control. She talked about how he listened, versus Alleline who had been exceptionally good at dismissing. Peter knew that; he and Alleline had clashed on more than one occasion, and Alleline never listened to Peter, even though he was usually right.  
  
George made an excellent director, as much as Alleline hated him for it. He was a leader, and much better at the game than Alleline. He had Control's eye for opportunity, his intelligence, and just enough of his suspicion to run a tight and reasonably honest ship. But, somehow, he managed to not have Control's anger. Inasmuch as he probably should be angry after everything he'd been through, George was just as cool and level-headed as Peter had always known him to be.  
  
It was, in all honesty, impressive.  
  
So George didn't change. But Ann did. On the few occasions Peter got to see her in the months following her return, she seemed genuinely apologetic for having the affair and leaving George. The hours were still long, she'd said, but at least he didn't travel, and she knew he was safe. She seemed trying hard to make this work. And George never stayed later than 9:00, and was never seen on a weekend. If there was an emergency, George had - somewhat cruelly - made that Alleline's problem. Peter couldn't help but smile.  
  
One of the first things George had sent Peter to do was go bring Connie back. Peter had questioned why he had to drive out and get her, why no one could just call her, and George just gave him this look. It was... indescribable. Peter had stood there, under that look, locked in a battle of wills, for all of three seconds, then recited Connie's address. George had nodded silently and Peter left to get her, driving all the way to Oxford. He never questioned George that way again.  
  
Connie had been thrilled to find out George was back, and more than that, he was in-charge. She'd prattled on about the Control, and how good George would be at the job, and how she'd been so bored out there in Oxford. Then she'd stopped and asked for everything that had happened.  
  
So Peter told her who the mole had been. She'd lost some steam at that, but had been pleased to know he wasn't being traded to the Russians. That he'd left with dignity. Only a handful of people knew Hayden was dead, Peter being one of them. Not even Alleline made that list.  
  
It took Peter ten minutes to talk Mendel back into the fold. George hadn't thought it could be done, but if he was impressed he didn't show it. That was George. After that Peter tracked down Jerry, one of the few men Control had trusted, and brought him back as well. If Control had trusted him, they could too. Fawn was the last personal recruit, and he had come in almost eagerly.  
  
A month after all that, George gave Peter a letter and told him to drive out to a school in the middle of nowhere. He was looking for Jim Prideaux, whom Peter had always suspected was alive but had never been able to prove it. George had always known, of course. George always kept his own secrets; Peter could live with that.  
  
Prideaux had received the letter without a word. But Peter had figured it all out, mostly on his own, relying on scraps he'd picked up from George for the rest. Prideaux and Haydon had been inseparable, Connie had told him when he'd shown her an old picture George had found of them. Inseparable. Peter knew that feeling.  
  
It had been Prideaux who shot Haydon. Peter knew, and told him so. Then left. He didn't know what was in the letter, but he was guessing it was something to that effect, maybe with a promise that Prideaux would be left alone. Peter wouldn't complain if it was.  
  
One month after capturing Haydon, Ricki Tarr disappeared from Paris. Peter knew what he was looking for; after a month of no contact with George, Ricki knew all was not as it seemed. George asked only once about him, and Peter had said God knew where he was. George gave him a look, Peter held his resolve, and they finished the meeting. Peter hadn't lied: God did know, but so did he.  
  
Three months after that, Ricki reported back into Peter, who handed off the next assignment, far away from Turkey and Russia. He told George Ricki was back, and that was the end of it. Peter knew what Ricki had been looking for, and two months of grieving was something he could allow the young man. He knew how it felt to have one's heart broken.  
  
So nothing and everything changed after they found the mole. Peter still called George by his first name, still was head of the scalp hunters, still worked with Mendel and Fawn, still got tips from Connie. Still went home to an empty bed.  
  
So everything changed, but not what mattered, what really mattered, to Peter. King and country was fine and all, but Ricki hadn't wanted to end up "like you people." And Peter didn't want to either.  
  
But sacrifices had to've been made. Peter hadn't had a choice. It was that simple, but it still burned. And with all that people, that George, counted on him now, Peter didn't have the time or the energy to try and save a relationship. It wasn't even a matter of saving anymore. If he wanted it back - and he did dearly - Peter would have to salvage it off the bottom of the ocean. And that would take a commitment he couldn't make right now. And he still cared too much about Richard to move on in any meaningful way, so a new relationship wasn't an option either.  
  
So that was the end of it, Peter supposed. He'd just let it all go and devote himself to his work. He spent long hours at the Circus anyway; there was so much to do. Sacrifices had to be made. But it still burned.


End file.
